I want to see the northern slopes one more time. I have seen them in my dreams of course, more times than I can count. But I want to see them with my own two eyes. I have been promised this is not too much to ask and I hold on to that promise dearly. I want to see the white-capped hills stark against the vastness of the sky. I will walk on that well-trod path and let my feet carry me swiftly onwards towards the stile. Then the wild grassy fields that shall let me walk to the very feet of those mountains for which my heart longs. I will run my hands through the tall grass along the path and fix my eyes on the prize. But then I remember the scars I bear and I bow my head in shame and weep. Then I remember the one who calls me friend, the one who has been scarred too. I weep all the more. It is too much that I should be loved as much as this. Even to the end.
It is time now. I delight in the vision that is set before me. I see the mountains grow larger now. Oddly enough, the sky seems no less vast. The weight of heaven presses upon me, but gently, as the hand of a father upon his son’s shoulder. I see now a little cottage at the base of the foothills. There is a little vegetable garden next to it. And a fence surrounding all. A figure rests upon the fence and looks in my direction. He waves his hand in greeting and then beckons me forward. I smell woodsmoke on the breeze and…is that beef stew? A feast it seems is in store. I walk forward towards the man who waits at the door of that little cottage at the base of these northern hills.
Longing
See how her feet traverse these
age-worn stone steps
and nimble dance from side to side
ocean sparkling in greyish green delight
and then you see the rocky cliffs
above you rise
of course her scarf blows in the wind
hear her voice singing that hymn
see the path ascend towards
the distant summit
do you see the flowers growing?
Hourglass
Oh how quickly they all turn against me, these treacherous thoughts of mine. I once predicted such a rebellion yet I never thought it would go down like this. My defenses down and my heart broken, I lift a glass to my lips as I ponder the train of events that has led me to this perilous cliff. But looking backwards does not bring much profit, to be sure. All it does is stoke the raging emotions and fears that even now rise in my throat and threaten to overwhelm all else. What could I have done differently? So many things cry the voices in unison. But how was I to know? I did my best. Too bad so sad. Now you pay the ferryman and hope. I do hope that the toll is not more than I can bear. It may be. Yet I fear to linger here in these perilous waters. There are warmer, sweeter climes ahead. Onwards, dear one, onwards. I forget what lies behind and press on. I take a swallow from the glass. Bitter on my tongue yet a song in my heart. My heart has cracks in it but forged anew I feel now in the melancholy of this night. I cry to the one who knows my name. I whisper a prayer to my Father and ask for mercy now. I cry to my Lord Jesus and say you know, you know. I whisper a bare groan to the Spirit and say oh please pray for me. Renewed my thoughts rise to the heavens as I look out over those solitary shores.
Windswept
Hello friends! A quick Saturday afternoon post, thought I’d write a few words on my latest.
64. The Fault in Our Stars by John Green. Well I come to this one about ten years after all the cool kids were reading it! But on a recent ramble, found this one in a mini-library and Dani insisted I picked it up as it was one of her favourites when she read it way back in the day. So I obviously couldn’t deny that request. Took me a few days to read this one and I have to say, I understand why this one hit Dani so hard when she read it as a teenager. This one packs a punch. And it’s easily Green’s best novel – I feel a bit bad that I neglected reading it until now. Really think Green does a great job with the characters here, especially the inimitable Augustus Waters and the wonderfully real Hazel Grace. This story has vivid imagination, pathos in abundance, a very distinct cast of characters and Green’s signature – great teenage dialogue. Yes, the main characters are overwrought and ridiculous and angsty and not a small bit pretentious at times. They’re also teenagers. And dying (most of them). I greatly enjoyed reading this one and appreciate Green’s honest look at some very serious subjects. Yeah, I don’t agree with Green’s philosophy by and large, but I do like seeing an author grapple with the realities of this life we live (and yes, the death we must all face). Well worth the read. Side-note – watched the movie with Dani after finishing this book. It was remarkably faithful to the book and well worth the watch!
Reverberations
That is why I think this Grand Miracle is the missing chapter in this novel, the chapter on which the whole plot turns; that is why I believe that God really has dived down into the bottom of creation, and has come up bringing the whole redeemed nature on His shoulder. The miracles that have already happened are, of course, as Scripture so often says, the first fruits of that cosmic summer which is presently coming on. Christ has risen, and so we shall rise. St Peter for a few seconds walked on the water; and the day will come when there will be a re-made universe, infinitely obedient to the will of glorified and obedient men, when we can do all things, when we shall be those gods that we are described as being in Scripture. To be sure, it feels wintry enough still: but often in the very early spring it feels like that. Two thousand years are only a day or two by this scale. A man really ought to say, “The Resurrection happened two thousand years ago” in the same spirit in which he says, “I saw a crocus yesterday.” Because we know what is coming behind the crocus. The spring comes slowly down this way; but the great thing is that the corner has been turned. There is, of course, this difference, that in the natural spring the crocus cannot choose whether it will respond or not. We can. We have the power either of withstanding the spring, and sinking back into the cosmic winter, or of going on into those “high mid-summer pomps” in which our Leader, the Son of man, already dwells, and to which He is calling us. It remains with us to follow or not, to die in this winter, or to go on into that spring and that summer.
-C.S. Lewis, The Grand Miracle (God in the Dock, page 85)
The Silent Years
sun beats down without mercy
oh for a glass of water
or at least a leaf tumbling down
a promise of what is to come
would do enough for me now
autumn walks and
a scarf snugged tight
a half poem written
power lines stretching past
tall brick buildings
and branches bare silhouetted
against the twilight sky
Grocery Store
She offers a smile as he walks past her in the coffee aisle. He half stops and half keeps walking in that way you do when you’re not quite sure if you want to take a moment to interact with someone not yourself. He didn’t expect to see her here today. He didn’t expect to see her anywhere for a good while longer yet. But here she was, in his grocery store and holding a bag of coffee beans. Was this fate or was this torture? Or perhaps both? God did have a sense of humor after all it seemed. He does end up stopping after all and gives her a half smile in return. They exchange a few tentative words. She reaches out. He pulls back. She tries one more time. His walls stand tall. She bites her lip and half turns to go. His heart skips a beat. And then. “Do you want to maybe go grab a coffee later this afternoon?” Her face lights up and her eyes dance. And then. “Well, I already have the coffee.” She playfully waggles the coffee beans at him. And he laughs and she continues. “But I don’t have you.” He smiles. “So, then, skip the coffee. Dinner for two?” She nods bashfully. He decides that’s the note to end on and turns around and fairly strides down the aisle. She sighs. Now that’s sorted. What was the next item on her list?
Shoreside Wanderings
Hello friends – happy Sunday! I write a few words now as the Redskins/Eagles game plays in the background. Yes, football is back! It’s probably for the better that I not put my hope in football or certain teams but I do enjoy watching it now and again. That aside, enjoying a sweet and relaxing Sunday afternoon. A good time at church was had as Dani and I worshipped with our dear brothers and sisters – all glory be to our God as we consider the glorious gospel that is a man once dead now alive forevermore – Jesus Christ the salvation of our souls! After a lunch of hearty sandwiches back at home, naptime was on the menu, as is proper on a Sunday. Now? A grocery store adventure awaits. Dani and I shall run (er, drive) to HEB and pick up some of the needed items for tonight’s dinner. It’s our “Sunday classic” – sushi for Dani, frozen pizza for me! I think I’ll also make a tomato salad or some such, just for good measure.
What else shall I say? Well, I’m wandering towards it but fear I do not have words to do it justice. So I shall just come out and say it – happy 40th anniversary to Mom and Dad!!! It’s been forty years since they were married – truly? Yes, truly. On September 13th, 1986, Dad & Mom joined hands and pledged their lives to each other and now some forty years later…they press on in love for one another still. Oh the greatness of God’s love and the wondrous bounties that He has poured out upon my parents – what a wonder it is to see how God has worked in these lives through the decades!! I could of course speak on them and their marriage at length as I have been alive for the vast majority of those forty years, but I shall not make this entry a book. Instead, I simply wish to say how encouraged I am as I have witnessed their marriage and have seen how they have steadfastly loved each other through the storms and trials of life and have been faithful to one another as they seek to glorify God as they work out God’s purpose for their lives. I’m so grateful that I have been blessed enough to be called their son. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!!
Spare
Hello friends! A few words before I start my reading session this evening. While I kind of wish I could write a bit, I don’t think I feel suited for such tonight. Of course, maybe that is exactly the sort of night I need to be writing? Ah well, we shall see. But for now, let me spill a few words on my latest read. Not many. Then I shall be off.
63. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling. Such a romp. I love this book even though I do feel it didn’t hit quite as hard this time as last time I read it (when I recall wondering if had ascended to being my very favourite of the series!). Still though, it’s a great adventure. It’s an almost perfect transition book, one in which the kids move from the innocence of just being school kids to…well, a world that has changed entirely, one full of evil unmasked and death in all its horror. This book was just a pleasure to read. Still a good book, but maybe not my favourite of the series.
Seven by Seven
Hello friends! A quick Friday morning post here. It’s early and I don’t want to write too many words but I did want to at least log my latest read.
62. The Works of John Owen, Vol 7, Sin and Grace by John Owen. This book was encouraging for my soul. My life-long march through the works of Owen continues. I shan’t go into this one in great detail, but as always with Owen, I found this book to be a fantastic aid to my daily walk with my Lord. The main discourses in this one are on apostasy and spiritual-mindedness. While the first half on apostasy was good and worth the read, the second discourse on being spiritual minded was truly ever so encouraging and convicting for my soul. I’ve mentioned this before upon reading Owen, but I don’t see his works as being primarily about gaining theological knowledge. Yes, there is that, but I don’t read Owen to gain more facts about God or the faith. Instead, reading Owen spurs me on to think about Christ more and to long to draw closer to my Lord. His writing can be tedious and overly discursive at times, yet somehow even as I wade through these waters, I find myself thinking ever more on what it means to be a Christian and how I want to fill my mind with the things of the Lord over and against the things of this world. Perhaps not for everyone, but for me, this was a beautiful devotional read and a book I’m most grateful to have read.
